These pastors are maintaining a very similar course. They are keeping it real – striving to be authentic and living life together.

What is real relationship?

The idea of living in real relationship as authentic members of the Body of Christ is meeting a basic human need, the need to be “known” and not alone.

For centuries, the world has offered gangs, brotherhoods and societies as a place where members find belonging. Some researchers suggest that young men join gangs to find social relationships that provide a sense of identity.

Because man is created in God’s image, and God exists in eternal relationship, man has a desperate need for relationship; however, that relationship must be “real” to work and endure time.

Like Pepsi, the world is doing a tremendous job of providing short bursts of relational satisfaction. Web sites such as MySpace, Facebook and others have provided a sense of personal identity in a “connected” world. While all browsers believe they are getting to know each other, Engage.com reported last year that as many as 24 percent of online daters lie about themselves to some degree. At the same time, social networking sites are continuing to grow by the hundreds of thousands in a few short weeks at a time. People flock to the hope of getting to know one another and have the opportunity to share more about themselves.

The problem, of course, is that these relationships do not last. This is because people cannot achieve true relationship while tapping keys on their computer. How, then, can a starving people find real relationship that is only provided by the Body of Christ?

The churches that are succeeding at reaching their communities today are doing so by meeting people exactly where they are in life, asking them to join the Christian community, and allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal Himself over time. This creates a lasting relationship both within the church community and between God and the individual.

Coke won the battle for market share because consumers wanted something that was palatable over time rather than only for a moment. In fact, when Coke tried to introduce a sweeter version in an attempt to win the Pepsi Challenge with its introduction of “New Coke” in 1985, it failed miserably. Consumers wanted the real thing.

So, if some churches are effectively delivering “real,” what is it? What does “real” mean in the context of the church? The core tenets appear to be focused on three key areas: authenticity, community and living out the Word.

Authenticity

These successful churches challenge their members with questions such as, “Are you living the life that your neighbors and friends think you’re living?” and “Are you the same person on the inside that you appear to be on the outside?”

Churches are openly challenging their members to take off their masks as pastors lead by example. Gone are the weak and vacillating “little Johnny” stories – now replaced with real sins and personal struggles. In short, pastors have become real people, just like the members of their congregations. This message of authenticity resonates loudly with congregants who may struggle with the same issues and can now relate with their pastors.

Community

Small groups are quickly replacing traditional Bible studies as pastors are encouraging congregants to “live life” together. Rather than simply discussing biblical passages, members are building bonds and real relationships, while leaders are stepping up as the primary care providers in the church. Members are becoming reliant on the relationships they are developing at their small group meetings. As a result, small groups are becoming “where church happens” and where members feel more connected and supported. By distributing the responsibility of care and first response to the small group, pastoral bottlenecks are disappearing.

Small groups are also empowering church members that once felt “left out” to realize their full potential in the Body of Christ as they encourage one another towards spiritual growth. This approach challenges traditional consumerism tendencies within the church. Members are empowered to actively participate in pouring into others rather than simply sitting back and receiving. This helps create a vested relationship between each member and the group, and an interest in seeing the relationship grow.

Further, small group leaders are feeling more daily responsibility to connect with their small group members. When members do not show up at church on Sunday, everyone notices. As churches grow, it becomes difficult for a pastor to really take note of which members attended services. Small group leaders, on the other hand, have only a handful of folks to manage.

In short, small group leaders are becoming modern-day shepherds, building relationships with and connecting to a small flock of six to 10 people. The net result is that people are feeling loved and being given an opportunity to love others. They bring their real issues with them because they know that others are truly listening.

As a result, congregants are being challenged and discipled every single day of the week. Living life together produces real relationship that people simply do not want to leave. So, they stay and grow in relationship with one another and God, thereby strengthening the church itself.

Living out the Word

Throughout the past 150 years, the Church has focused primarily on learning what is stated in the Bible. Pastors of today’s growing churches are openly challenging their congregants to stop being consumed with learning and start focusing on living out what they already know.

Christians have given the world a perception that Christians don’t smoke, drink, lie or gamble, yet the divorce rate inside the Church is as high as it is outside. Notorious pastors are being caught using drugs and prostitutes, driving drunk and engaging in adulterous affairs.

The world simply is not buying it anymore.

Non-Christians and new Christians are attracted to churches where members are challenged to live out what they say they believe. They want a real message from real people that really understand them. New members are struggling. They know their way is not working or they would not have walked through the doors. They want someone to challenge them to start living their faith.

The same Jesus Christ that preached a message of love and acceptance tore apart a temple because it was being defiled. The same Jesus that looked Peter in the eyes and rebuked Satan, asked Peter to build His church.

Jesus Christ lived a life of authenticity. He was real in the moment and during the course of time. He did not sugarcoat His message to make it more palatable. When approached by the rich man about what he must do to be born again, Christ responded, “Sell all your possessions and follow me.” When the rich man walked away saddened, Jesus let him go.

Successful churches are connecting with members by providing an honest, authentic environment where people can be known, loved and accepted. Most importantly, today’s pastors are leading by example, delivering a real message by being real themselves.

Tony Ferraro is president and CEO of Riverside, Calif.-based 360Hubs, developer of 360Connected Church, a Web 2.0-based online collaboration solution that creates relationship-oriented communities to connect churches with their community members — all within a safe, protected and easy-to-use Web environment. For more information, call 888.360.Hubs or visit www.360hubs.com.